Turtle Travels Romania edition

Sorry its been a long time since the last time I blogged anything. I have been really busy between work, Radio show, Nephews, and Traveling.

As some of you know I recently traveled to Romania with Darkness Radio and Joshua P. Warren for about 10 days. This was one of the awesomeness trips I have ever been on and was able to due to the gerousity of Brian Kerr. I was dubbed Turtle Travels by Rachel and it has sort of stuck lol. I really wish I could have taped everything so that I wouldnt forget everything but I did take over 800 pics in the 10days lol My friends Nikki and Jen also were there with me and we had tons of fun in the back of the bus with Dave :) There is so much I could say about the trip both good and bad but in the end I had a blast and want to go back but with a few different people who were unable to make this trip. Aaron Goodwin was supposed to go but due to a change in his schedule he was unable to join us and because of that I did a few thinks in his honor. One was I took many pictures with his Big Steppin sticker thru out Romania AND even left one within Vlad the Impaler Ruin Castle Poienari  anyone to find :)

I hope that one day People will go and find the sticker there Of course you have to climb 1482 steps to get there lol But if I can do it anyone can ;) This is a picture
of where it placed and for those interesting Darkness Radio
and Jeff Belanger will be returning to Romania in 2013 at the
end of May.

I am getting tired but will add to this post at another point in time :) If you have any question about what or where I went during the time in Romania plus ask either on here or Facebook or Twitter

Artwork....

I have always drawn or sketched...Not the best at it but it make me center myself sometimes. Some people think that my art is really dark cause I tend draw what I call Skull angels and Skull people... I actually dont have either of these pieces any more but there what

I have on my computer currently lol I believe that both belong to Aaron Goodwin right now lol He is one that has alway support my artwork. I have no problems with them but some do...Like I am dealing with something evil or something cause I draw skulls. They are lucky that I cant draw what I actually see in my head cause it is really messed up. These are just a sample of what I do. I also do crosses and landscapes but dont get the release as much as when I draw these kind of pieces. I am currently working on a collection to take with me to Gettysburg in less then a month...People say they will buy them but we will see. I know I am rambling but I really dont care lol. I just feel like I need to write right now and dont care about what and I have been doing alot of art lately and its part of my life. I wish I was better at it but will take what I can do as a sign that I am supposted to do it and really dont care if others accept it. I have never been normal and this proves it lol I love angels but I cant draw faces very well and love skulls which is how I started the Skull angels :) very few have them but hopfully changing that at Gettysburg :) and maybe people at Mansfield will want some of it to but I guess that is pushing it. I guess I will have to see what

happens. On that note I am going to stop writing cause I am getting tired and silly :)

Turtle Love,

Leah

Right Left Turn Radio

So awhile back my friends Lisa and Rachel talked about doing a blog radio show just cause lol Well this week we started it :) It is called Right Left Turn which I came up with purely off the top of my head. Our Initials are actually RLL but everyone tends to call me Turtle....So the Initials are RLT :) We thought it had to be a catchy name but nothing really odd...Hench came Right Left Turn :) We are going to be more on the paranormal side but have ALL kinds of people on there. Yes our first couple show have been rough but we are getting better at it. So far was have had Joe Jaocbs an up and coming singer on but on February 25th we will have Kristina Timms on which hopefully get more people to tune in :) eventually we hope to have some other Big Name people on it but as for we talk about anything :) if you want to check it out here is the link...http://www.blogtalkradio.com/rightleftturn

.....

I wish I could say that things are looking up for me. I am trying to figure out a way for me to go to Romania. as soon as I think I found away something else comes up and drains what I have. I really want to go and I feel like I have to go but it I cant figure this out soon I will have to give my spot up...

It doesnt help That I am sick too lol. Plus everything going on with Rachel I am getting really drained of energy. I will continue to stay positive thru everything but I need some good news soon otherwise I dont know what I will do....

The last 6 weeks

Ok I feel like I need to explain what has been going on with my life for the past 6 weeks. A lot of people knew I was sick and some ppl knew why or guessed. I found out I was pregnant. I was violently sick and not able to keep hardle anything down besides some crackers Fizzy water and spicy food lol. The Doctors told me that I was High risk and if I could make it to 6 weeks I would be able to keep the baby. The didnt thing that I would be able. No matter how careful I was I have lost the Baby at 5 weeks. I was in sooooooooo much pain and the docs confermed that I lost it by doing an ultrasound yesterday. They care conserned though cause I have been getting confused and disorinated a lot lately. If you have read one of the past blogs you know that i have a Brain tumor. They think it or another one has formed because of all the stress and emotions. I have an MRI scheduled for a week even though I did one about 3 months ago. I have a lot of medical issues that they cant figure out. I wasnt supposed to be able to get pregnant but look what happened lol. As of right now the guy doesnt know this all happend cause I havent seen him and dont want to send him a text saying something like " I was pregnant but dont worry I had a miscarrige" lol
Anyways I am still trying to process everything that has happened and the emotions that come with it all. I am will keeping you all posted on what is going on :)

Turtle Love

Leah

Snow

So it has finally started to snow yesterday actually on thurday night. Its funny cause people keep complaining about the fact we have snow lol this was the first real snow. I dont mind having snow because it is beauitful when it covering trees and stuff but not on the roads lol People are crazy drivers on the road when the first snow comes. There are more accidents in the first 24hrs of first snow...the thing is that here it snows melts snows melt ect...so people get used to snow then its gone then it snows again and people need to remember how to drive on it again lol I think that snow along with rain is away to refresh everything and start a new. It can be a pain to deal with but in the end it will come out beautiful if we let and not to think negitively about it. In the end it feeds out soil of life and make thing start to grow under the surface.Yay its really cold and can be a pain to shovel but look at it...its Beautiful :)

These are a couple pictures I took today when I was shoveling :) this is what I love about snow. My allergies on the other hand dont like it lol My allergies get really bad during the winter/snow. Its a curse lol but thats ok :) I should move somewhere where it doesnt snow but I like seeing it lol I dont mind a little but last year around this time there was a was a HUGE snow storm that dropped 2 ft of snow in 24hrs...That was a pain cause everything was closing but my work. We still have to feed the kids on campus...I was one of 10 people who made it in. We have a staff of 35 lol I hope that doesnt happen this year lol A few people aready said they wouldnt come in again if it happend lol they dont want to risk it which I understand but I wouldnt have a choice lol I live within a 3 mile raidus of work lol.
Oh well lol I am getting random which means its time to stop writing lol :)


Turtle Love,
Leah

WHAT DO I DO!!!!!

How do you tell someone you care about that a) you do care about them more then before and b) you have a new lease of life because of them even though you know they arent good for you. I am trying to figure out the best way to drop a bomb on someone. It will change EVERYTHING about what we were before and what will come to the future I dont know what to do....I dont want them to freak out and never talk to me again but eventually I am going to have to tell them lol

First thing I need to do is figured out what I want to do. For right now I am going to play it cool and see what happens. I know that they will accept it eventually but till then I am soooooooo confused on what to do. Its amazing on how fast life can change. Sorry I cant be more specific lol But the majority know so I should just come out and say it but I feel like as soon as I do I will jinx it lol

Enough for now,

Turtle Love,

Leah

Lifes little hiccups :)

My Life seems to be having major hiccups lately lol. Some good some not so good. I am trying my best to deal with a them.

 Ever since before christmas my brother and his girlfriend have been having issues and he is now moving out of his house...Yes the house is in my brothers name but she gets to live there with the boys. Plus he doesnt drive so he has ro ride the bus which hasnt been running out to where he is living at except when he has the boys...I guess then he has them here casue we have beds for them plus I dont think he would want to have them ride the bus 30 mins lol. So far he has been living here for about 2 weeks and I cant wait till he is gone....

Medical bill have been adding up and I have health insurrance. before the end of the year I had close to $1200 from Sept on. And the best thing is they still dont know whats wrong with me. All my tests have come back normal but still am in pain. Now I think I have dislocated my shoulder somehow cause it kills!!!!Going to the Doctor on Wednesday to get checked out. I am sure they will just tell me that they cant find anything wrong and try to give me pain pills.....I wont take them lol

Right now I am not going to say the new one cause i need to process it before more people find out. I am both excite and scared about this. Luckly I have a lot of support in it and that makes me very loved :) I know that it will change my life for the best but still have to process lol I will tell soon to everyone but for now its a secret ;)

That is all I have the engergy to wirte right now lol

Turtle Love,

Leah

stanely part 2

Sorry it posted the last one before I was done lol

Amanda pretty much pushed me upstairs to my room and asked if I wanted her there or to be left alone...no that I think about it I think the whole thing scared her and she wanted to leave but didnt want to hurt me. I told her she could stay. I had left my water downstair so she went to get it as I changed. I ended up goin back down for awhile and she pretty much was really quiet. she was the first one to go to bed too. the few that I knew in the lobby I told them I was ok and that it would be ok. I did tell a few of them what all happened but some I dont want them to know. I am surprise not more ppl have since asked me if I was ok cause there were closed to 100ppl who saw part of this whole thing. I guess when Chris got back Aaron was waiting for him and he wanted to know if I was ok...Chris told him I would be...now. I eventually went back to my room with Jen and Nikki. we talked i found out that Amanda was actually jealous of the attention Chris was giving me. the funny thing earlier in the weekend she hated Chris but he had grown on her thru out the weekend. I had asked her how she ended up with me and not Jen or Nikki she said that Chris asked her to get things for him and at the time I wasnt really caring cause I was scared. But I dont remember her there until after Chris started with me. she wasnt anywhere till he got there....I have a feeling that she needed to see this whole process cause she has massive doubts about a lot of it all.

Sunday I could feel the love of everyone that knew what had to happened when I got up and went into the lobby. the other Amanda found me sitting on the couch and came at me to give me a hug and told her I couldnt have ppl touch me at that moment that cause I was weak there was a good chance that stuff that would normally be transfer to me might cause of I was weak. I think I hurt her feelings but I couldnt take the chance that something else would affect me. Then I was scared that Aaron would talk to me cause he was scared to. When he came in he looked for me and I saw the relief when he saw me. After the evedince review I went to talk to him but he was bombed by ppl but Chris saw me and pulled me into a HUGE HUG and we talked like that for a couple mins. lol I think a few ppl were jealous cause we were close for awhile lol I did what I hate...I butted into a conversation with Aaron but I could feel he wanted me too lol. He grabbed me and gave me the biggest hug that he has ever has. He told me that he felt bad that he couldnt be with me at that moment I told him I understood that but I needed to tell him that it started when I was with him. and that even though he wasnt physicaly there I kept "seeing" him around me thats when He told me that until I go up to go to the other room he was there watching me from a far but when Chris went to get the chimes and candle he went back with him and couldnt come back in but I guess he stayed outside for part of the time. He told me to send a message later cause we keep getting an audience lol I went up to Billy and said that I heard it was he who went to get Dave and that I was thankful for that. He told me he was really worried that something bad was happening to me.That sort of surprised me but I could feel that he was being truthful He gave me a hug too. Dave was concerned too...Anyways, Chris & Billy now calls me by name lol


Because of this event I have changed s few things in my life for the best. I have kept my friends close and started to stop communicating with some others. Anyways I realize cause it posted the other i didnt get a chance to reread it and I hope I didnt say anything that would hurt anyone...


Turtle Love,

Leah

Stanely Hotel....

Some of you know that I have been on many Ghost hunts with Darkness Radio, Zak Bagan, Aaron Goodwin, Billy Tolley, and one with Nick Groff :) The last one was at the Stanely Hotel in Este Park, CO. This is a beautiful sight and LOVED hanging out with everyone. It was a great weekend and I had some great experiences....Up till the end of the it.

If you have ever been to one of these events you know they do 2 different nights of investigation. Friday and Saturday. I tend to do the Saturday night on and this time wasnt any different :) My friends Pita, Saralyn, Amanda, Jen, and Nikki all were with me along with about 20 others in my group lol. We had won a night in the Lord Donraven room on thursday night which was an interesting and fun :) I actually slept on the floor infront of the closet which wasnt all that comfortable lol

Anyways, the locations were Lord Ds room + another room on the 4th floor, The concert hall, Manor House, and Steven King room + tunnel. ( this was the order I went to it lol) There was lots of different things that happened as the night went but the big stuff started at the manor house. Nikki, Jen, Saralyn, and I decide we werent going to stay with the group and started an ghost box session in one of the hallways. we got some stuff and started to see shadows at the other part of the hallway that there wasnt anything there to make it. I asked my friends if they have ever done the flashlight test which they hadnt. So I set it up closer to the end of the hallway with my camcorder filming it and almost immediately we started to have luck...We also had an iovulus and it started to shoot out words. we ended up having a conversation for 35mins with this guy named Charles. we kept asking him to show himself but he wasnt. At the end we were walking and all 4 of us saw what looked like Jeff turning the courner where we were heading then go back. Saralyn started yell saying if you are trying to scared us we would hurt them lol. Amanda came around the courner and asked us what we were yelling about.When we told her she said she didnt see anyone...That excited us as we went to the Steven king room where Aaron and Debbie were.

That when I started feeling sort of bad but just kept going. The energy in that room was really powerful. Aaron and Debbie were sitting on the bed along with a few other. I was standing next to Aaron with my Digital recorder on the side table and filming the evp session. I am not sure when but I realized it stopped working so during one of the "breaks" I changed the batteries but it didnt want to work so I just kept taping it. I really felt sick to my stomach but was determand to keep going. We got some really cool stuff and I wanted to stay with them when we changed but knew that Karl was in the tunnels and was looking forward to me coming so I left. as we left Aaron was giving people hugs which is really normal if you know him lol but something was different this time...(if he ever reads this it will be the first time he is hearing this part) I felt like there was a jolt of energy that sort of transfered from him to me. After that I really started to feel sick but I went to the tunnels. I started to get really lightheaded so I had Nikki take my camera and I "slide" down the wall and sat on the floor. There was about 5 mins left so when Karl asked if I wanted to leave I said no. When things were done we headed up to the lobby. I tried to make it up the stair but had to lay down on them.

• I felt like I was shaking so I laid on the steps, then I actually shaking really badly. I was told later that Billy saw what going on and got Dave. I was surrounded by quite a few ppl when Dave came over to find out what was going on. I told him I didnt know why I was shaking but that I felt like I was going to have a seizure...He asked if I wanted to have them call the medics but I told him no. they moved me to a couch so I wasnt in the way on the stairs...they got me water and had Jen get Pudge my skeleton turtle...Saralyn gave me her cross to hold and Lupita started to say prays. Jen saw Aaron and told him what was going on and that I wanted him to come to him. He started to get scared but told her that with what was going on with him he thought it would be a bad Idea for him to be around me...He was really concerned about it so he started to text Chris Fleming to get his butt up to the lobby fast...(I was told all of this later) Susan, Daves manager, who has medical training came to check me out and asked if there was any medical situations they needed to know about. I told her about my brain tumor but that it should be causing me to be shaking like I was. OUt of the courner of my eye I saw Aaron with Chris...Chris started to ask me questions...I dont remember what all he asked me. I think they at first thought I was having a medical issue but then Chris looked in my eyes and he realized there was someone was trying to attach themselves to me to leave the hotel. He kept saying "OLD MAN" which I remember that I thought why does he what him? & confusion...The whole time I was shaking...I dont remember what he did next but then I remember him asking for paper and pen...He had me do audiomatic writting. Was a wierd feeling to not have control over what was going on. the paper was to little and not enough and the pen started to runout so Amanda went to get more paper and guess got a sharpie from Aaron. As so as I as I held that Sharpie it was like a jolt of energy and Chris saw the differenc. I actually felt like I needed to Draw with the Sharpie not write. I guess I didnt write any actual words i never saw it but Amanda (who was with me even though I would rather Jen or Nikki with me) has it and is going to sent it to me :)Chris after thinking for a minute he grabbed my hand and I think he was trying to get this spirit to release me but I felt like he didnt want to and he fought back. thats when Chris stopped and told Amanda to get me into a back room where it was quiet cause there was to many distractions. I guess the whole time Aaron was watching from afar I felt him and I swear I kept seeing him but knew he wasnt there. As I was lead to a back room this other girl named Amanda who has been "using" me for my feeling since QM started to come give me a hug but I yelled "NO!!! YOU CANT TOUCH ME" which she was in shock but left me alone I kept hearing her say Im sorry...People let me thru but some of my groupies started to follow me & Amanda(oefvii on twitter) into the room. I as we got closer I said " You guys need to leave me alone" some didnt didnt listen so Amanda turn & was like GOODBYE lol...as soon as I got in the room I was like I needed to sit down cause I was lightheaded I ended up laying on the ground and Amanda asked me what I was feeling I told her that I felt like something was trying to take over me or was using me as a catalist to get to someone else. When Chris got back he asked if I feel or what. He had to get a candle and his chimes. They sat me in a chair. He started to use the chimes around me They sat me in a chair. He started to use the chimes around me trying to get to meditate I think not sure cause I dont totally remember everything. He told me to imagine I was surrounded by white light, then that I was the white light. As he went around me with the chimes he was having me raise my arm and dropping it then the other then both then a clapping thing. To clap twice and breath out. I started to cough and he encourged me to keep coughing. then I started to dry heave and did throw up a little but I felt better. Then He asked me what religion I was and if I know any prays and I told him I knew the lords prayer. he had me stay it but my first thought was the plede of allegence...I dont know if he tought I was stailing or not lol As I started it I was ok but then I couldnt remember part of it then could remember the end. I couldnt remember "And forgive us our transgression as we forgive those transgress against us" I was shocked cause I have said that line over and over but Couldnt this time. Chris had to keep telling me the line over and over again. He told me that it attached to me cause it found my weakness even though I was protect myself it wasnt enough. that I wasnt taking care of myself. that I was letting others control me. That need to stick up for myself and be strong about it. I almost laughted cause I had just had a fight about just that. that I put others ahead of myself. I told Chris this and he said "see not only the living world but the spirit world was trying to teach you a lesson that you need to put yourself first and take care of yourself" He said that my guides and guardiens where there for me but I needed to learn a lesson but if it had gotten to be to much they would have stepped in. He took the candle and told me I had to let go of the past and to start living in the present and taking care of myself. he was having me to blow out the candle to realse my past. this all took close to 1.5hr from when Chris first got there. He gave me a huge hug and told me that there where a lot of ppl really worried about me out in the lobby but it was up to me what or If I told them anything. the frankly its none of there Fucking business lol. as I start to walk I realized that I had peed my pants and dont remember doing it...
  

side note 1

Another day missed lol Oh well :) There has been a lot of things that have happening so I have been a little preoccupied. This year hasnt started out very good and I hope that things start getting better. I just thought I should say that I cant believe how some people who you completely trust can turn out to be the complete opposite. Enough say about this cause they dont desever anymore attention.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

This has been a very strange begining of a new year. I doesnt really feel like it is but maybe thats just me. I hope you all had a great and safe night whatever you did :)

So I feel bad that I didnt blog yesterday but things were really crazy. I wasnt home but at a friends house 3 hours away from home and didnt have the best reception there. Plus with everything going on with Rachel and her dad passed away this morning has been really hard on me. Rachel is recovering from surgey that was to relieve all the liquid from her heart. She has a bacterina infection that is killing her body. As shw was in surgery her father had a triple arotic anerisum that the fix but the last night it rupured again and then this morning at 4:30am he passed away. She lives in Utah/Nevada so I cant be with her right now

Then yesterday I found out that My friend Stephen was hit by a car as he was getting his mail on friday night. He has been flown th Portland, OR to a better hospital. His head the windshield so he has major head. but lucky the swelling went down without surgery. His blood pressure is getting lower and lower...and is still unresposive. he also has broken ribs and his left leg. I am going crazy with worry. the driver she lost control of her car due to snow I guess...I dont have a lot of info about it cause His brother has posted to much.

This gets me thinking about death which I dont like to think about to much. Dont get me wrong I accept that we will all die and each moment could be our last. I just feel bad that people have to go thru so much pain when they lose someone. In the case of Rachel as she is fighting for her own life her fathers was taken. She is also friends with Stephen so she is worried more about him then herself which sort of pisses me off...even though I understand it lol. I have been surrounded by death my whole life. All I remember going to as a child is funerals. My first one I remember was my Grandfathers when I was 3. I dont really remember the actual funeral but at the grave site when they tried to keep my cuz Sarah, who was 2.5, and me inside a big black car. I remember openning the other door and went picking "wildflowers" with her to put on my grandfathers grave. I didnt really understand what was going on lol. Later in life I was told that it was actually flower off of other people graves lol I guess it gave everyone a good laugh :) I think that was the first time I experienced my Grandfathers spirit lol

After that I had lots of people pass away in my life. when I was in the 7th grade I went to close to 8 funerals in about 3 months...A little girl at church had an accident on rollerskate and grabbed a flower box that then fell on her and she hit her head on the concrete. Then my other Grandfather died, a few great aunts, and a couple other people. I have been to way to many funerals in my life time and I think part of why I am into the paranormal.

I dont know which is worse when it comes to dead...Someone suddenly dieing or watching them die due to disease or age...I have experienced both. I would hope that I personally wouldnt suffer to much and wouldnt want my family to suffer...that would suck. I am a fighter by nature so I have/would fight anything that would come to me when it comes to health.

I have many other things I can say about this but I am really tired right now...so I am going to sign off and try to get some sleep

Turtle love,

Leah

Squirrel!!!!!!

Day 4: This will be a short blog
Ok so I dont know how many other people have major Squirrel Moment but I have many of them lol. If you dont know what a squirrel moment is watch the movie UP lol. Actually it basically is when you are talking or doing one thing and something distracts you and then you return to what you were doing lol.

I am currently talking to this girl name Abby on Skype, Typing this, Chatting on Skype,FB, and Twitter :) And I somehow am managing to keep things straight lol My mind is going a mile a minute right now lol I wanted to have this done before midnight but its not going to happen lol but thats ok

My Boys and there Mom

Day3:

Until 2 years ago I had no nephews then my brother got involved that Val who has Brady. I Love Brady soooo much he is now 5 years old and totally my Nephew :) then a yr ago J Cameron was born :) He is the light of my life :) they both are really lol I call them my boys cause I take care of them quite a lot.

Until about 3 months ago Val wasnt really working. She would start a job then quit it over something stupid and start a new one. She now has 2 jobs which is good but still wants to go out and party even though she has 2 kids. She takes a lot of things out on my brother which pisses me off. Josh and I dont have the best relationship but he still is family and I dont like it when someone messes with my Family. There has been many times that she will go MIA when I have the boys cause she wants to have her freedom. people think that they are my boys cause I am with them all the time. In fact people at church think J is mine lol when he isnt with me they ask me if he is with his dad instead of me lol I am like yes he is with my Brother lol

Today was an exsample of this stupidity that I have to deal with. My brother was watching the boys overnight so that Val could go out with friends but was supposed to be back by 10 so that he could get to work. At 11 my brother called me to see if I could come watch the boys cause he couldnt get a hold of Val and he need to get to work by noon so he had to leave by 11:30. I went over and he left. Val didnt show up till almost 1 smelling like alchol....J started to freak out when I tried to leave and wanted nothing to do with Val...He didnt even want his blanket when she tried to take him from me. eventually I got him seatled enough for me to leave. She called me little later so he could here my voice....This made me sad cause he should want Val but he wanted me instead. the whole time Brady was eating his PB&J sandwich lol

Ok That is enough for today lol

Heartbreak

Day 2 of blogging :
I guess something that is hard for me is that I have always been different them most of the people I grow up with. I was adopted at the age of 4months so I never knew my Birth parents. I love my adopted parents and they will always be my parents. But it made me different. My birth mom was part Cherokee Indian, Dutch and German. I dont know what percent of these I am. My birthfather was Mexican and left my mom as so as he found out she was pregnant with me. He was the first male to reject me without knowing me. I was born premature and was hospitized for 11days with pneumonia, and because of that I have a lot of breathing issues and lung problems. A few other things didnt develope properly either. I dont think my parents knew what they were getting into when they adopted me lol My Brother is adopted too by the way so if you ever see a pic of us there is no resumblements lol hes half vietumese lol. A few of my school friends were adopted to but the fit in with everything...I didnt. I was always up trees, getting dirty,and not being a little girl lol

 When I was about 5 I thought this other boy was hurting my brother, who is 3 years older, but it turned out they were just being boys and wrestling in front of church lol I didnt believe him so I rolled Matt over and took a log anf hit him over the head...it took 16 stitches to close the wound on his forhead...After 26yrs he still has the scar but we were friends from the next day on lol. this wasnt the first fight I got into or the last. I am protective of my family. But because I was sort of on the rough side people stayed way from me :( My temper has gotten me into troubled many times.

 I have been take advantage by people cause I try to please them so that they will like me more. It also part of why my relationships for the most part dont last. I feel like I need to please them and become controled by it. I would change myself for them. I was in not 1 but 2 abusive relationship that caused me not to trust guys.

The first one was really mentally abusive. It didnt start out that way. He was a very caring and loving guy. Once we were dating for awhile he told me that I was lucky that anyone would want to be with me cause I am not a model type but that he was dealing with it. When I would question him about things like if he was seeing other people he would call me paranode and that if I kept asking him he would leave me. I let it go. When we would go out he would spend more time flirting with other girls then paying attention to me. I later found him in bed with another girl and he blamed me for his cheating cause I gave him the idea...Later his friend told me that he had cheated on me atleast 9 time. I give Bryan point for the fact he was the one to tell me to go to Chads apartment that day...Chad told me that I would never find someone who would want me cause I was ugly and fat. That I was a pity Girlfriend so that I would have atleast one guy in my life...He was the one who later raped me at the party...

the second one was physically abusive...JT was a great guy until he was drinking which I found out the hard way. He could have a couple beers and be fine but if he started to drink more then the more abusive he got. He would start fights with other people for stupid things and cause they were all drinking no one would remember it later...except me. One time I tried to get inbetween him and his friend cause they were fighting. that was a mistake cause I end up being thrown across the room and him beating me up. Somehow all I ended up with just bruises and no broken bones. The next day JT asked me what happend to me. When I told him he did it he didnt believe me till another person told him I wasnt lieing. He was very sorry that he hurt me and that he didnt mean it. I let it go cause I shouldnt have gotten in the middle of them. It happened again but I got away so he never hit me. Again he was sorry that he tried to hurt me. From that moment on I wasnt around him if he was drinking. We were good for awhile and he respected me when I didnt go partying with him. One night I got a call from someone at a party that JT was at...He was trying to drive home very drunk and there wasnt anyone there who could drive either. I told them I didnt want to be near him when he was like that but that I would come get him. I knew it wouldnt end well but I didnt want him to drive drunk and hurt someone else in the process. He agreed to go with me which surprised me. He ended up passing out which made me happy cause it was an half an hour drive to his place. Trying to get him inside was another story. He was very anger that I woke him up that he slugged me so hard that I ended up with a black eye and I left him on the front lawn. I had told him that if he hit me again I would leave. The next day he called me and asked me what had happend that he woke up in his bed but his car wasnt there. Someone had told him I came and got him. He was wondering if I could come pick him up to get his car. I went to get him and showed him what he had done to me. He apoligized over and over but I was done....I think his family was really upset at him for losing me cause they never knew what happen except his sister.

For a long time I didnt date anyone or even put myself out there. But because both of these things happend to me I have helpped a lot of girls get out of abusive relationships safely and show them that they are beautiful woman and dont deserve to be abused by anyone. I true dont know how I got thru this because I never shared any of this with people till rescently. My family doesnt even know most of this cause I wanted to protect them from it. I just pushed it down and went on with life. I know now that I shouldnt have done that but at the time I thought it was easier to deal with.

Now as I put myself out there to be with someone it seems that I have some problems. I wish it was easier for me to trust guys and not get as hurt by them. I have faith that there is a guy out there for me and I may have already met him just wasnt ready for it. Most guys see my outside and dont take the time really get to know me for who I am and not what I look like. This frustrates me cause I didnt judge people by their covers but by what is inside. I get this feeling about people when I meet them and from that I decide if I trust them or not. I have learned to listen to this. I dont judge people until I meet them face to face. but that will be another blog lol

Sorry for the length of this lol I just started to write and this is what happens lol I am done for today I think

Turtle Love,

Leah

The Begining

Ok here I go :) I am not a great speller or good at sentence structures so forgive me lol I have Lots of ADD moments so my train of thoughts are sort of rambling lol Ask me questions at anytime and I will try to answer them.
    Hi for those who dont know me my name is Leah Yoder and I am currently 31yrs old. I have lived in Grand Rapids, MI for the majority of my life. I have a non cancerous Brain Tumor that hasnt stopped me from living :)

    When I was 8 my dad decided to up root my family ( mom, brother, & I) and be a missonary in Indonesia. At the time I hated the idea of being away from all my friends but didnt have a choice lol. After I got there I really loved it and didnt really want to leave lol We were gone of a year. in that time we were in the Philiapians, Singapore, Amsterdam, Switzerland, Germany and a few others for very short times. Its gave me a new outlook on how lucky I really am. Saw lots of poverty and other things that a girl of 8 should see. When I got back I was changed for the better.

My dad has worked with physically and mentally challenge kids my whole life so I think that is why I have so much compations and patience for others. And am thankful for that. Dont get me wrong I have moment where I just cant stand some one and there stupidity but I try to find the best in everyone :) I am human lol

I have been thru so much that I dont know where to start with all....Yes I told you a little already lol
One thing you need to know about me is that I have been raped 3 times and have come out stronger each time. I was early young the first time....I thought it was a game and didnt know that it wasnt right. The second time I was 19and staying over at a friends house and her boyfriend was drunk and High. I remember waking up to him tieing me to the bed and then raping me as I was screaming at him to get off. His cousin tackled him and my friend called the cops...I made a deal with him that he get sober and clean and I wouldnt press charges but that there was a case filed. the last time I was 22 and was an ex who wanted to "talk" when I ran into him at a party. It was my mistake to go into the bedroom alone with him knowing our past...I would never want anyone to go thru it cause it can destroy anyone. I was in a deep depression and very quiet but realized I didnt want it to change or run my life so I moved on. I think that is part of why I let myself get to be so over weight so that I wasnt taken advantage of. Now I am trying to lose it cause I hate the way it is making me feel lol I dont care about what I look like cause if someone really wants to know what/who I truely am they take the time to get to know me for who I am not what I look like :)

Yes I am a very smily person and Really try to find the good in everyone. But I do have some major faults too. I need to let go of the past and also find a way to release some of the stress I have beside out bursts. I love to draw and be artistic :) Love photograghy and have my dads old 35mm camera that I love to use cause I cant see what I have capture until its developed lol :)

Ok that is all for now more later

Turtle Love <3

LeaH